Troubled, so troubled
And I think its getting worse. Well, its what, Tuesday afternoon at the moment, and I still haven't had the stomach to have that talk with Elena and I really think its getting worse by the day. I can feel it and its a feeling I hate. I feel like something bad is going to happen and I really don't want it to. She is honestly the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't want anything to fuck it up.
So, basically, despite the fact that I have all this stuff I want to get off my chest, she's extremely stressed out about moving to London. Extremely and stressed don't even begin to describe it, I don't think. She's going to grad school over there with a friend and her friend has the most laid back attitude about everything, because thats just the type of person that she is. Elena leaves in a month and they still don't have a place to live when they get there. Thats freaking Elena out, and I understand.
Her friend doesn't seem to be so concerned though. Also, her friend has barely any money to spend for rent, so Elena is worried that she'll be living in a dump or way too far away from her school. Also, she got all this stuff in the mail from her school yesterday and there's a possibility that there's a third term added to her program that run from May 2004 - September 2004, so that means instead of being gone for 9 months, it'll be a year and a month. I didn't like it one bit. Now I knew she was moving to London at the end of August when I met her, but you can't help the way you feel about someone, you know?
All this moving to London stuff, the planning and whatnot is definitely taking its toll on her, I can just tell and I feel like its having a really bad effect on our relationship. We only have one month left together, and I don't want to spend it like this. I may just be selfish, I may not, I don't know. I just know I don't like the way things seem to be heading. And I know we need to talk about it, but it just never seems like the right time, especially not today after all the stress its given her in the past two days, she must've called London ten times today trying to find a place to live, and her friend is leaving for Scotland on like Thursday and isn't going to have the time, opportunity or money to check things out in London. I don't know.
I know the timing sucks, but the more I think about it, the more I come to realize that there never really is a good time to talk about things that are difficult to talk about or things that you don't want to talk about. I'll probably go over her house tonight to watch a movie and I think regardless of the situation we need to talk about this stuff, because I'm worried about her, I'm worried about me and I'm worried about us.
Current music - Cracker "Eurotrash Girl" (kind of ironic, huh?)