I Need To Think Of Something Else
OK, despite the feel good beat and lyrics of rearviewmirror my thoughts are obviously still hung up around Elena, good or bad thoughts I'm not sure of, because I had the weirdest dream about her last night. I dreamt that we got back together. So, two obvious questions beg to be asked and hopefully answered. One, is dreaming that make it a dream or a nightmare? The answer, I don't know. I woke up with a sense of relief that it was a dream and not reality, but its not like it scared me to death. More important is question two, if given the chance would I get back with her?
The answer to that one is a whole lot less ambiguous, and would be a big no, and for numerous reasons. One, I don't think that I could ever truly forgive her for a great many things. The first being treating our relationship as something not worth her time and energy, and the second obviously being the fact that she cheated on me oh so long ago and I never truly forgave her, so I doubt I could now. Now that our relationship is over its like the blinders have come off and now I can see everything clearly for what it was (Saw things so much clearer once you were in my rearviewmirror... Sorry, couldn't help it!).
It just wasn't a good relationship. For a time it was, but that time was definitely less in quantity than the time that it was a bad relationship. I know I totally got taken advantage of by her, and now that I can see that, again, I don't think I could forgive her for being such a selfish bitch. Now that I can see, and the hindsight is better than 20/20 I know that getting back with her would be a really bad idea. I just have so much on my mind about it, I feel the need to tell her, just for the sake of getting closure for myself. I know that nothing good would come out of a conversation with her, but I know I didn't really say much to her the last time I saw her, so I kind of feel like I need to redeem myself. I don't know... I know I definitely need to talk to Seth about this as he's the only one that really knows that whole story and I guess we'll see what he says. I just wish I could stop thinking about this shit... It's driving me crazy! And I hate that its driving me crazy, I hate it more than the craziness.
Alright, I'm going to shut up now. Thoughts are welcome on the whole should I or shouldn't I contact my ex-girlfriend question. Thank you.
Comments
Isn't it amazing what you realize once you break up and, as you said, the blinders come off? My cousin and her boyfriend dated for 5 years, and it ended only after she cheated on him for 6 months before finally just deciding to date the other guy. At first her ex was shocked, sad, and wanted her back, but the more he thought about it (and my brother and I filled him in on some stuff) he realized what a crappy girlfriend she was and how lucky he really was to have her out of his life.
Personally, from my own experience it's really not worth contacting the person after you break up, especially if it was a rough break up. You could end up feeling worse than you do now, even wishing you hadn't broken up even though you probably know it was the best thing you could have done. I just don't think much good would come from calling her. But, then again it's your relationship and I don't know enough about it to say anything :)
Posted by: Jenniy | March 22, 2005 5:04 PM
Hey Matt,
I think your going through the grieving proccess, and no matter how a person treated you and how much you know your better off without them, you're still going to grieve - its only natural, she was a big part of your life for awhile and your going to miss her and having someone special in your life - its only a natural process and you think of what you coulda said/shoulda said - etc. etc.
Maybe you should call her - or see her & have a lil lunch/dinner date, not to argue or bring up stuff from the past, but to try to get some feelings & emotions off your chest - some things you've been able to process a lil better now that shes been out of the picture for awhile.
And whether or not you get back together or not or whatever your true feelings are, you have to follow your heart, but still be able to have dignity and respect, and who knows maybe she missed you & changed???..
Posted by: Lori | March 23, 2005 1:07 PM