What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?
Despite the fact that I'm trying to get to know as many new women as possible, I still think about Elena, mainly think about calling her and sharing all of the realizations I've had since my breakup with her. The really odd thing is, I'm fine for most of the day and the urge to call her doesn't come into my head at all. It only pops in there when I'm driving home from work. That one hour is a constant battle in my mind of call vs. don't call. I'm getting pretty sick of it. Luckily I haven't broken down yet and actually done it. Seth talked me out of it last night and I see the point.
Yes, telling her everything I've been thinking about would bring me closure and yes I would be putting her down and belittling her somewhat. But, the more I think about, the more I feel like thats not such a bad thing. I don't think I'd feel like an ass for saying those things when everything is said and done, because honestly, she deserves it and deserves to hear it. But Seth's point was that she's a selfish bitch (which is right on the mark) and that it would probably affect her for an hour, then she'd blow it off and go to an audition. So I have a feeling that me talking to her, while would have the desired effect on me and make me feel better, it wouldn't have the desired effect on her, because it won't make her feel like the piece of crap sorry excuse for a human being that she is.
So, at Seth's urging, I will continue to take the moral high ground and not call. I will continue the process of moving on by continuing to meet as many people as possible and avoid getting into a committed relationship again before I'm really ready for it. And, most importantly, I will learn from my past relationships and all the mistakes I made and not make them again. Simple as that. End of rant.
Comments
Ohhh Matt, I sooo know how you feel.....- BUT and this applies to me too, I think your angry at YOURSELF, cause you allowed her to treat you like that, and didn't walk away soo much sooner.. ya know?? and honestly, it isn't going to solve anything from telling her how you feel or what she did wrong or what went wrong...moving on & letting go is the best revenge!!! -
Posted by: Lori | April 19, 2005 12:14 PM
Please dont take that the wrong way tho.. I mean, when we're in a committed long term relationship we give 110% of ourselves & bend over backwards and I think the other person either doesnt' see it or expects it or doesn't appreciate it, but in the end when relationship ends, we're angry - angry at them for being soo selfish/stupid & angry at ourselves..but its alll part of the grieving process....and naturally you will heal and get over it...
Posted by: Lori | April 19, 2005 12:17 PM
You know, I have to agree with Seth - if you did call her and she blew you off, or worse, was a bitch right back at you, you would probably end up feeling even worse than you do now. So, I say stick with not calling her - don't let her have the chance to upset you further OR make yourself feel like a jerk for being rude to her.
Posted by: Jenniy | April 19, 2005 8:00 PM