Haven't heard from the ex since Monday nights final conversation. Hopefully it was pretty final, because it makes it easier to put her behind me and move on when she doesn't call me three times a day asking me to take her back. Anyway, enough about that.

Even though it'll be like 2 months before I go to see Pearl Jam I'm slowly psyching myself up for the show. I'm watching Touring Band 2000, the DVD they put out of their 2000 tour, of which I went to see them at Jones Beach for the third and final show at that wonderful beach venue. Robert Moses may have been a racist, but he did some great stuff for Long Island.

Anyway, not sure what's up for this weekend. Probably just hanging out with my friends. I have basically two best friends, and we haven't gotten together just the three of us in months. One of my friends, Brett, just graduated from the NYPD academy and just started working as a cop about a month ago, so he keeps a wierd schedule and I haven't seen him since we watched the NFC and AFC championship games, which was forever ago. Hopefully we'll all be able to get together this weekend and chill out, grab a bite to eat or something.

Current music - Pearl Jam "Thin Air"

So, I think everything on the ex-girlfriend front should die down, I think. She called me again Sunday night, e-mailed me Monday morning and called again Monday morning and night to talk about getting back together. And as much as it hurt me to hurt her by telling her that I didn't want to get back together just now, I had to. I owe it to myself to see what else is out there. For all I know she wasn't the "one" for me. And who knows, the "one" could be right around the corner. But if I never try to find someone else I'll never know for sure.

I'm sure I could get back together with my ex, back a big part of me is afraid that we'll just fight about the same stuff and it'll descend back into a bad situation again. I sure as hell don't want that. She says she'd change for me, but I know myself, and its hard to change who are you are. All those little ideosyncracies make a person the person they are, and if they change them, are they really themselves anymore? I don't want someone I can change. I don't know. Its a messed up situation and I had to end the conversation by saying that I needed time to be by myself, something I haven't had in almost two years. And I told her to find something, anything that makes her happy and do it. Find a hobby, something to be passionate about and embrace it full force. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, I don't wish her any ill will, I just don't want her in my life at the moment. She had her chance to be a part of me, but she chose to leave me. If she's seeing the error of her ways thats good, but she's a grown up and has to take responsibility for the decisions she's made.

Its a messed up situation that will hopefully subside soon. I got no sleep last night because of it and I have to work this afternoon. If you're not on top of your game in the IT field, you make mistakes, and those mistakes can cause people very important data and even their business. I just want to get home and take a nap or something, because I'm exhausted. Tossing and turning all night is not fun.

Current music - Dave Matthews Band "So Much To Say"

Well, another weekend down. Didn't too much interesting. Had an uneventful Sunday. Spent most of it trying to bring my almost 4 year old PC back to life after I killed it. Damn Windows XP, and damn Windows altogether. I can't wait until I can afford to buy myself that flat panel iMac I've been dying to get. One of these days when the cash starts rolling in and I owe a lot less money to American Express.

The only eventful thing of the day I'd much rather forget. My ex-girlfriend called me and the whole deal between us is a long story. Lets just say she's not from around the NY area, more like the Mississippi area, and after living in NY for a few months she wanted to move back home. So she went, and took one of our dogs with her. This was in the beginning of January. So she calls today, to check up on the dog and whatnot and after about twenty or so minutes of pleasant, yet oh so uncomfortable chit chat we hang up. Then, ten minutes later she called me back crying. She says she wants me back, she made a bad choice and on and on.

Now, for me, yes it was hard saying goodbye to someone I was involved with for four years, but her saying she was leaving kind of allowed me to take stock of everything. So when she actually left, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Part of me was happy and relieved it was over and I could move on with my life without any of the pressures she was putting on me anymore. So I told her something to the effect of if we got back together can you honestly tell me that we wouldn't have the exact same problems that we had before she left and the exact same fights? No answer to that, at least I don't think. I was trying to be nice about everything, I didn't want to be an assohole, but the truth was I didn't want her to come back, I was fine with the way everything was and didn't see the need to go back to the way things were. Sure I miss her, but as time goes on I think that what I'm really missing is the companionship and not neccessarily her. I'm really looking forward to meeting someone new and having new experiences with and so and so forth. I hope that she can eventually get to the same place that I'm at, because I don't want anyone to be miserable.

End rant

Current music - Pearl Jam "Betterman (Live from Jones Beach 8/25/2000)"

PS - I can't wait to see Pearl Jam not once, but twice this year. I'll be seeing them at the end of April at the Nassau Coliseum and again in July at the last show of that leg of their tour at Madison Square Garden. Peace.

It's been a pretty boring Saturday I must say. A lot rain thats been melting the foot and a half of snow so everything is super wet. Spent my morning roaming the aisles of Best Buy looking for a DVD that would look interesting. I limited myself to a two DVD purchase day, but only walked out with one as I couldn't find anything worth the twenty or so dollars.

I grabbed the new special edition of X-Men, X-Men 1.5. Its got a lot more special features than the first DVD release of X-Men, which is cool. Bryan Singer does an audio commentary and its always interesting to hear a director talk about their film, especially Singer. He and Christopher McQuarrie do a track on The Usual Suspects DVD and its quite informative and entertaining at the same time. Some audio commentaries just suck. One I listened to on one of the Austin Powers put me to sleep and it wasn't even funny.

Plus, as an added bonus, the X-Men 1.5 DVD came with a free pass to go see X2 or Daredevil, so what do you think I'll be using it for more? That's right, more Jennifer Garner, baby! My brother should be home any minute from work, and then we'll be heading out to a 6 pm show. Should be nice, once again. I'll make sure to skip out on the large soda so I don't have to take a massive leak halfway in.

Current music - Sum41 "Still Waiting"

Well, the movie I wanted to see today isn't playing anywhere near me and I'm sure as hell not going to spend an hour driving to the theater and an hour back just to see a two hour movie. Not worth spending the four hours. I'll wait for the DVD. So its back to another day of sitting at home trying to find a movie to watch. I'm in a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas mood. I read the book a few years ago and its been awhile since I watched the movie. Nothing like watching people practically OD on drugs to keep you entertained.

Don't know whats in store for the weekend either, but I'm sure I'll find someway to pass the days away. If my older brother doesn't have to work on Saturday I'm sure we'll go see Daredevil. He hasn't seen it yet, with him being in Florida last weekend. And as I've said before I sure as hell wouldn't mind seeing Jennifer Garner on the big screen again.

I'm just hoping I'm working more next week. If I'm not I know I should really be studying for my MCSA instead of vegging out with movies and TV.

Current music - Red Hot Chili Peppers "Can't Stop"

Worked a half day today at the same client I was at last week which is cool. It's nice to go to places where you feel comfortable and the people are comfortable with you. I'd like to work a few more days a week, but that'll come in time. Patience is a virtue I possess in abundance. After all, it took my almost six months to land my current gig. Thats a lot of sitting around your house, watching TV and movies and playing with your dogs, not to mention a lot of nagging from your girlfriend to get a job. Thankfully I don't have to hear the nagging anymore. Not because I have a job, but because I don't have the girlfriend anymore.

So, since I probably don't have to work until next week I have to find someway to kill the day today and Friday. I'll probably head back to the movies on Friday, I want to see Confessions of a Dangerous Mind before it leaves the theatres. I read the book over the summer because I thought Bryan Singer (of the Usual Suspects and X-men fame) was attached to direct it and I love his work. I did name my dog Keyser after all. But as things go in Hollywood, Singer had to bow out to do X-Men 2, which looks like it'll be awesome, so Clooney stepped up. Should be a good flick. Then this weekend I'll go with my older brother to see Daredevil, again. Second time for me, first my older brother. I just can't get enough Jennifer Garner.

Current music - Evanescence "Bring Me To Life"

Not much going on worth writing about. Hey, I never said my life was interesting. I'm not working until Thursday so the cabin fever continues. Thankfully there's DVD to keep myself occupied. It's funny, between my brothers and myself we have over three hundred DVD titles, but somehow I can never find something to watch. Kind of like that old saying about cable, but thats the truth too.

We've had digital cable since the summer and it really is like 500 channels of nothing to watch. There's like 50 or so movie channels that just play crap. Where do they get this stuff? Actually, my better question on that topic is how the hell do people get paid to make that crap and I can't find a job in any facet of the entertainment industry? I don't get it at all. I guess I'm not related to anyone of note in the Hollywood world. Too bad my last name is only associated with blenders, and we don't have anything to do with that unfortunately. If we did, I'm sure I could finance my own film with my trsut fund money. Damn shame if you ask me.

Current music - Johnny Cash "Hurt"

Stuck at home in a blizzard is a ton of fun, let me tell you. What's even better is getting woken up by your dog at 6:15 and having to shovel a path for him from the front door to the grass so he can use the bathroom. I can actually top that, because I have to do it every time he needs to use the facilities becuase its snowing so damn much that the path is covered up in an hour or so. And of course there's a foot or two of it, so Keyser would just disappear in it if he didn't have a clear path. Acutally for fun I threw him into some snow around his bathroom and he just sunk in. It was pretty funny. My older brother took pictures! I just wish I had a sled or something so I could recapture my lost youth, even though there aren't any good hills for sledding around here.

Other than the snow there is nothing new. I'm bored to tears with the cabin fever and desperately would like to get out of the house and do something, but the two feet of snow is unfortunately preventing me from doing anything. Oh well, there's always tomorrow, if the snow stops.

Current music - Pink Floyd "One of These Days

So, the cheesecake was pretty damned good. Thought I'd let anyone out there know. Between myself and my dad half of it is gone already. With the coming snowstorm, yes, more snow, can't wait, my mom and brother hopped on a flight tonight out of Tampa and into JFK. Hopefully they'll make it and their flight won't get diverted somewhere. The plane took off and is currently somewhere over Virginia, according to JetBlue's website. My dad went out to get them so I'm at home, checking the website and updating him. Fun fun fun when it comes to snow.

Since there's supposed to be like a foot or so I'm probably not working until Wednesday. The only thing about it that really bothers me is that I have no idea how I'm going to keep myself busy for the next few days. Being home alone practically all weekend has really given me a case of cabin fever already, and adding two more days isn't going to be nice. To top it all off, I finished watching the third season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD, so now I have to wait until the summer for the fourth, and since it'll be snowing and I haven't gotten paid yet I can't get the first season of Angel on DVD that was just released. Feel my pain.

Current music - Incubus "Favorite Things"

Post script: Love that song by the way, just have winamp on random. Its all about the futility of organized religion and how the Bible and its crazed followers tell you everything you do is bad, hence the lyric "Too bad the things that make you mad are my favorite things." It is too bad, because life should be lived according to your own beliefs, not what some ancient book that is being misinterpreted by some crazy preacher or who knows what tells you to do. I used to work for a guy that was a born again Christian and I couldn't stand him. Despite the Bible thumping and scripture quoting he was a horrible boss that treated me like shit, didn't teach me a damn thing about how to do my job and then came down on me when I did it wrong. Hypocrite much? Where does the Bible say to treat everyone as you want to be treated except the people that work for you? Hmmmm?? Interesting question. That's ok, I quit suddenly and left a real nasty letter of resignation. So in the end I feel real good about it. Fuck Southen Baptists and any other Bible thumpers, along with pedophile priests. Where's the passage in the good book that deals with priests raping little boys? Michael Jackson must have it. End rant. Good night.

Ever have one of those dreams that you're back in high school? I did last night and it really freaked the crap out of me. I really hated it, high school. My dream went like this, it was the first day back so there was always the usual conversation, "How was your summer?" followed by "Pretty good, yours?" and finished with "Good too." There was some kind of assembly or something, but instead of an auditorium everyone was broken off into groups and sitting at desks by alphabetical order, but for some odd reason there was a kid with a last name starting with D at my desk. I personally wasn't too interested in paying attention to what was going on and somehow found myself getting in trouble with a hot new teacher. This is where it started to get fuzzy, but then I was starting to get crap from everyone. At that point I couldn't take it anymore so I just stood up and said, "Fuck all this. I'm leaving! I graduated already, from college!" And then I woke up.

Current music - Coldplay "Clocks"

Well, call me gay, but I made a cheesecake. Haven't sampled it yet, its still in the fridge chilling out. I used my mom's recipe, so I can't see why it won't be tasty. I mean, its not that complicated, just a couple of packeages of cream cheese, sugar, eggs and vanilla mixed up and baked for 45 minutes or so, doesn't sound so hard. We'll see when I cut myself a slice, or two depending upon how good it is, for dessert.

Heading out to dinner with my dad in a little while. Since my older brother and mom are in Florrida for a wedding its just the boys this weekend, which means I'll probably head to bed at like 9 pm and try to stay awake for SNL. After all, my current fantasy Jennifer Garner is hosting. Can't miss out on that, think of the cleavage I could miss! I at least have to set my VCR and tape it!

Current music - Pink Floyd "Time"

Valentine's Day as a newly single man wasn't too bad at all. I headed into Queens to hang out at my friend Seth's apartment and brought Keyser along for the ride since he loves Seth so much. Bascially all we did was get a pizza, watch the Rangers win for a change and watch a movie, not bad for two single guys. We took Keyser on a walk through the mean streets of Queens and reaction from the people on the street just further reaffirms my belief that he will be a chick magnet. All I need now is for the weather to warm up, as a 10 degrees freeszing cold Friday night on the streets of Rego Park doesn't exactly bring out the really beautiful females. Although the girl working the counter at Hollywood Video was cute and reacted nicely to the dog.

Not sure what to do with myself today. Its Saturday and I have nothing pressing to do today. I've had a sudden obsession with baking things lately. I hate to actually cook a meal, but baking up a dessert I don't mind. My mom and older brother are in Florida for the weekend so I asked my mom to leave her recipe for cheesecake, which rocks by the way, so maybe I'll step my baking up to the next level and attempt one. Whats the worst that could happen? Burnt cream cheese.

Current music - Our Lady Peace "Naveed"

Daredevil kicked some major ass. My only complaint was that it should have been longer. Like X-men it was only about 90 minutes or so, although had it been any longer I probably would've peed in my pants. I should know better than to drink the large soda before the movie even starts. I read a couple of reviews that blasted Ben Affleck and such, but I thought he was damn good in the role. After all, pretty much the only Ben Affleck flicks I've seen have been the Kevin Smith pictures, with the occasional Michael Bay crap-trap and of course Good Will Hunting. I never read the comics growing up, but I knew the basics, and the movie delivered. Action, check. Hot woman, chick, I mean check, good story, check and open for a sequel which I can't wait to see what they do to take it to the next level. Another complaint was not enough Jennifer Garner. The woman is gorgeous and every shot of her had some copious amounts of cleavage going on, which I likes a lot.

They also played a new trailer for X-Men 2 which looks like its going to be awesome. Between that and The Hulk its looking to be a good year for comic books turned into films.

Now the rest of the day will be filled with hanging with my dog and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD.

Current music - Greenwheel "Breathe"

So I'm pretty psyched right now. I got the day off, one of the benefits of working on average three days of a week, and I'm going to see Daredevil! As a film theory major in college I should know better than to go see a Hollywood blockbuster type movie, I should know its crap going in, but I don't care. Hell, one of my old professor's said that sometimes you just have to go into a movie, shut your brain off and just enjoy it for entertainment and nothing else, and thats what I'm going to do. Plus, Jennifer Garner looks hot as hell in that movie, even hotter than she does on Alias, which is pretty tough to top. Scott Foley is a lucky, lucky, lucky man. I'm jealous. I guess I'll give the rundown of the movie upon return for all the zero's of people that actually read this.

Current music - Good Charlotte "The Anthem"

OK, when I started this thing I didn't really want to do a personal ad explaning who I am, and I'm still not going to, (24 years old, while male). I'm not going to say where I'm from or what I do for a living, (Long Island, NY and a computer consultant). I figured I would just talk about whatever odd idea was running around my brain at the moment, so thats what I'll stick to. If I want to talk about my relationship status at the moment, (single) I will.

Other than that, nothing else comes to mind at the moment. I'm watching the end of ER because I'm a sucker for drama. Don't even get me started on the TV shows that I religiously watch because it reads what a teenage girl would watch sometimes. But I'm secure in my manhood to admit I watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, are you? Nite all.

Current music - Jimmy Eat World "The Authority Song"

Why is it when you get served a great meal by a chef at a five or however many stars equal amazing restaurants, the chef is considered a genius, but when some idiot at a deli serves you he is in fact, an idiot. Because the chef can get your order right! It scares me that the idiots of the world are preparing our food. I order some kind of chicken sandwhich from a deli, by name no less, the "Buffalo Bill." And for some reason, which is beyond me, the guy interprets that for "Godfather." So i'm stuck with a lunch I can eat. And, to top it off, on my way home from work I stop at Wendy's, because I'm starving after eating no lunch, and they can't even get my order right, even though there's that screen that says what I want. I had to tell the guy three times it was wrong before they got it right. The lesson to be learned here, if you work at a deli or at Wendy's, listen to what your customer wants and get it right!

Current music - Hoobastank "Up and Gone"

Animals are funny things. I have a dog and he's hilarious while being a pain in the butt at the same time. He's a dachshund named Keyser, for the Usual Suspects. But somehow I find myself not calling him by his actual name, which is dumb because I know he knows his name. He looks at me when I say it, so I know he must recognize it. Anyway, I find myself calling him by stupid nicknames instead of his name a lot. Last year about this time in was Munskin, or some variation of it, don't want to get into it, because it sounds a lot more retarded than I'm making it out to be. Now, it some variation of Goober, like Gooby, Goobs, Goobinski or Goobastank (after all, when he's under my bed he really is "Crawling in the Dark," ha ha).

Current Music - Everclear "When It All Goes Wrong Again"

Irony, or other things like it are a pain in the you-know-what. For example, its snowing here now, and probably will snow until about midnight tonight, what fun. Now, I'm not much for the cold. Acutally, I can't stand it. I hate the way your nostrils stick together when its really cold outside. But, I tell myself, I like snow. If its snowing I don't mind the cold so much. So its snowing now, but for some reason it doesn't make me smile. Why? Because someone's got to go clean it up, ie = shovel and snowblow, and I'm not usually one for manual labor. And since I'm off today, it falls on me. So, I like snow, except when it makes me have to work. Damn you snow! Out to go fire up the snowblower and move some white stuff off the driveway.

Current music - The Beatles "Penny Lane"

Ok, here we go. I see these things on the Internet all the time and figured, why not me? After all, aren't we all much better leaders than followers? So, why not, I'll give this blogging stuff a shot. I never kept a diary before, probably because anything I would've written in it were best forgotten. Anyway, I guess I'll just rant and rave when the need arises or when I feel inspired. Until then, adios!